What a Person finds Attractive in a Lover
The Astrology of Attraction
Astrology can offer us a few clues as to what types of people we are attracted to. What follows is a simplistic model for determining the “ideal” lover for a particular person, based on sign positions of Mars and Venus. More techniques are explored elsewhere on the site – the astrology of attraction is more complex than this, but it’s a great place to start.
The position of Venus and Mars in a person’s chart, by sign.
We tend to shy away from some of the traditional “rules” of attraction. Traditionally, astrologers have interpreted the position and condition of Venus in the natal chart differently depending on the gender of the native. The reason for treating Venus in men’s and women’s chart differently is based on the idea that women may tend to “disown” the qualities of Mars in her own chart if brought up in a society that encourages this (and if the person accepts this teaching). Since the energies of Mars have to go somewhere, when a woman doesn’t “own”, or identify with, her Mars, the energies would be projected onto the men she meets and relates with. Similarly, men are thought to more easily relate to and “own” Mars qualities. The concept of projection is an interesting and valid one. In reality, although we are moving towards far less rigidity in defining gender, there are many who still reject parts of themselves that they prefer to assign to a different gender. However, while it may hold true with Mars to some extent today, we prefer not to attach gender bias to Venus and Mars. In our experience, men and women tend to take on the role of Venus in their relationships in approximately equal measure.
However, the position of Mars by sign and the position of Venus by sign in a person’s chart does tend to offer some clues as to what they may find attractive in a partner. This is because Venus and Mars reveal what attracts us and turns us on. In many societies, the following list may be a stronger indicator of what is most appealing to the person in a man. If you don’t know the sign position of Mars, look it up in these tables–all you need is a birth date!
If a person’s Mars is in Aries, they may be attracted to a strong, independent, and forthright lover, perhaps athletic in appearance, but more importantly, direct, confident, and straightforward. Ultra sensitive or shy people are not typically the most attractive lovers to these people, as they tend to prefer strong and independent types. People who don’t beat around the bush, who state what they want, and who display a certain level of confidence may be seen as ideal.
If a person’s Mars is in Taurus, they are often attracted to lovers who possess a stable, secure, and very strong aura about them. Meat-and-potatoes types are definitely their “cup of tea”. Unstable, overly intellectual, or “flaky” lovers are not necessarily appealing to people who have Mars in Taurus as a significator of attraction. They like their lovers simple to please, perhaps more traditionally masculine, and strong. They often are especially turned on by lovers who work with their hands (as opposed to “suits”), lovers who can build things or who are otherwise practical and handy, and sexually simple but sensual lovers.
If a person’s Mars is in Gemini, intelligence ranks very high on their list of ideal qualities in a lover. An athletic or tomboyish look, sometimes on the slim side, is often preferred. Wittiness is a huge turn-on for these people. Versatility, liveliness, and playfulness are qualities these people find devastatingly attractive. They’re not especially impressed with what they might consider “less evolved” types of men who display more typical, or traditional, masculine traits; men with this position may avoid this type of stereotype. Depressed or boring types won’t do either. These lovers want to be stimulated, and their brains are their biggest sexual organs.
If a person’s Mars is in Cancer, they may prefer the “sensitive type” of lover who is compassionate, sensitive, and protective. These people sometimes are attracted to temperamental sorts, finding moodiness in a lover rather intriguing. They want a lover with “layers” (remember Shrek?). However, they are not into the type of “sensitive” lovers that Mars in Pisces people are most attracted to. In fact, they generally enjoy some traditionally masculine traits. Generally, these people prefer lovers who make them feel protected, which can translate to attraction to people who are or who appear to be strong.
If a woman’s Mars is in Leo, she may be attracted to men who are proud, outgoing, and perhaps even gaudy. Aloofness or a dignified, confident aura is usually appealing to these women. These women are more inclined to enjoy men who possess a rather bold, confident manner–and style! Playfulness and fun are very important to these women, and the uptight type or overly serious man is not going to do it for them. Stinginess is a huge turn-off, too. These women want their men generous, dignified, and confident. These women do want their men to be a little possessive and jealous, as it makes them feel more alive, wanted, and attractive.
If a woman’s Mars is in Virgo, an appealing man to her is usually an understated, rather simple appearance without too much glamour or ostentatiousness. Healthy, natural, and clean are most appealing physical qualities, and a certain amount of intelligence as well as a modest, sensible approach to life. These women are turned off by men who are overly confident, bossy, or unkind. They are looking for perceptive men who are kind and helpful. Competency is important, but these women aren’t big on men who are show-offs. A quietly competent aura is best.
If a woman’s Mars is in Libra, she is most attracted to men with understated charm, good manners, and a pleasing and balanced appearance. Coarseness or rudeness is often a turn-off, and so is independence! These women prefer men who are cooperative and who are willing to please. Romantic men are a huge turn-on, and these women truly appreciate classy sorts.
If a woman’s Mars is in Scorpio, a complicated, dark, powerful, and passionate man is the biggest turn-on. This woman wants a man with “layers”–one who has depth and is complicated enough to intrigue her. She is especially attracted to men who ooze sensuality, who are perhaps a little dark and mysterious (even brooding), and who have a magnetic and powerful aura. Intensity is a turn-on for these women–flighty, superficial, and indifferent types need not apply! These women generally do enjoy a certain level of possessiveness in a man
If a woman’s Mars is in Sagittarius, she is most impressed with a man who is playful, fun, intelligent, and honest. An energetic, happy aura in a man is often most appealing. Joking around is a must, and a huge turn-on for these women! They want to have a good time, and to have long conversations with their men as well. They are not especially attracted to men who are overly groomed, generally don’t like too much “decoration” or men who put on airs. A tousled, casual appearance is just fine with these women–in fact, it’s preferred. A man’s status is not of huge interest to these women–they are looking for honest guys whose egos aren’t tied up in what they do for a living or how they look.
If a woman’s Mars is in Capricorn, she is generally attracted to competent men, perhaps well-established business types or otherwise accomplished men. She doesn’t necessarily go for status, but she does want a man who has an aura of competence about him. She is looking for a certain level of security, and is unimpressed with men who are drifters, irresponsible, or flighty. A stable, directed man with goals in life and a responsible, even serious, attitude to life is important to this woman.
If a woman’s Mars is in Aquarius, she can be most impressed by men who are somewhat unconventional or kooky in their choice of clothes and overall style. She wants an interesting man. He can certainly be handsome, but boring? Hardly. A man with a brain is important, although she won’t be attracted to a brainy type. Somebody who is perceptive, a little unconventional, and perhaps somewhat aloof is most attractive. Rigid or boring types simply won’t do.
If a woman’s Mars is in Pisces, she is often impressed with a man who is sensitive, compassionate, and intriguingly complicated. Lacking in confidence is just fine, and so is a touch of helplessness. A “starving artist” type may be appealing, or a man who is downtrodden in some way, as these women enjoy men who have a distinct soft side. The strong, independent types are not turn-ons for these women.
Note that a woman’s Sun sign factors into the “equation” for an ideal partner as well as Mars.
Get the full scoop with a Love Styles: About Her Report. The report averages 25 pages long, and it’s all about a woman’s styles in love, in relationship, and in bed.
Don’t know the positions of your planets? Be sure to find out your personal astrology data online, at no cost.
Explore your relationship dynamics with a lover, partner, or love interest with a COMPATIBILITY REPORT.
See our Synastry article for more advanced relationship analysis techniques.
Intermediate and advanced students of Astrology might enjoy our article, SoulMate Astrology.
Determine the positions of Venus and Mars by sign and learn the sexual secrets of your partner, and yourself!
If you don’t know the positions of Venus and Mars, refer to these tables:
OR click here to find the positions of all your planets.