My middle child, a 15 year old girl, is a Pisces with Moon in Aries. Her Aries Moon is conjunct Venus (also in Aries), and both planets conjunct my Saturn. I have to be aware of my Saturnian role with her. I look at it in this manner: One of my roles in her life is to teach her, in so many ways, to temper the more difficult expressions of her Moon-Venus in Aries, but I have to be careful not to stomp upon her enthusiasm in the process.

Every now and again she has “emotional emergencies” as I like to think of them as. When something bothers her, or she wants something, her first instinct is to freak out. She has to solve the problem right now. She has to get the thing that she wants ASAP. If she can’t find something, the whole household has to be involved in order to track it down, and she doesn’t always treat everyone in a grateful manner as she enlists (demands) our help in the search!

As a baby and young child, people often commented on how easy she was, describing her as gentle, patient, feminine, and quiet. I still get that kind of feedback from teachers and parents of her friends. She is a quiet person (although she speaks rather loudly when she does speak), and she’s not aggressive at all in her interactions out and about. At home, she is a leader in the household. While she needs her space and keeps to herself a fair amount, when she’s in the mood for fun, she is truly the “life of the party” in the family room. She’s hilarious and fun, outspoken and direct, and always taking the lead. She animates us, gets us the best seats for concerts (she’s totally on top of who’s coming when, pre-sales, and any other news), and is quick to do new things without instruction. She gets annoyed easily, but gets over it just as quickly. In a very general sense, I can certainly say that she is a Pisces to the rest of the world, and an Aries at home. Obviously she brings both her Sun and Moon to the table wherever she is, but one dominates in different situations. And, this is not unique to her, of course. We all express our Moon signs more when we’re comfortable, with family or others very close to us.

With her Moon-Venus in Aries on my Saturn in Aries, I have great respect for her Aries qualities that come so naturally to her. What I have to be careful of is that I let her know this, because in my Saturnian role, I might get too caught up in tempering the more negative expression of the sign–of “teaching” her or correcting her–and forget to (or even feel uncomfortable doing so) praise her for her spunk.

While Saturn conjunctions in synastry are not as challenging as squares and oppositions, they’re not as easy as sextiles and trines either. With the conjunction, the Saturn person can always seem to be the “heavy”–the one who rains on the personal planet’s parade. If we as parents are always playing the heavy role, the child is likely to be frustrated, to rebel, and to not listen to our “lessons”. With the Saturn contacts, we should be especially mindful of this.

Over the years, I have come to discover that I had often responded to my daughter’s emotional emergencies with too much reasonableness or even a holier than thou attitude. I eventually realized that this only frustrated her more. An Aries Moon person does not want to listen to reason when she/he is in a tizzy!

Where Saturn is positioned in our chart–by sign, house, and aspect–often shows qualities that don’t come naturally to us. We might secretly admire these qualities but have a hard time expressing them spontaneously, and this feeling can sometimes express itself in jealousy.

As a teenager, my Scorpio mother always seemed to me to reduce any bad situation to a situation of jealousy. I thought she went overboard with these theories back then, but grew to agree with her. She basically said that any time someone treats you poorly for no particular reason, or feels the need to nitpick and criticize you often, they’re jealous of you. They’re feeling some kind of lack in themselves. Difficult Saturn contacts in synastry very often point to jealous behaviors on the part of the Saturn person, and sometimes the not-so-difficult Saturn contacts have shades of this. The Saturn person feels a lack in him/herself, sees it expressed so easily in the personal planet person, and reactions can be critical and sometimes downright nasty.

Not many parents want to believe they can be jealous of a child’s behavior, and might instead think of their criticisms as constructive. A lot of our teachings and criticisms do stem from love, but some don’t, and that’s something to consider, especially when Saturn is strongly contacting a child’s personal planets.

If you’ve been on the receiving end of a poorly handled Saturn in synastry interaction, or a jealous person whose Saturn was in hard aspect to one of your personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, or Mars), you’ll know how depressing and demotivating it can be. With my Mars in Sagittarius, I love to laugh and when I do it’s hearty and sometimes a bit out of control. A person whose Saturn squared my Mars seemed to think that it was self-indulgent, and I will tell you, there is nothing more sobering than to begin to enjoy a good laugh and to be faced with a person who looks at you like you’re absolutely crazy for doing so. He even told me that “some people’s laughs are addictive…yours isn’t”.

When my daughter was born, I had a conversation with my sister, who has the same Moon-Venus conjunction in Aries (and they both have Leo rising). I told my sister that my daughter’s chart was in some distinct ways similar to hers. My sister is very straightforward and immediately replied with, “You’re going to drive her crazy when she’s a teenager.” When asked a big WHY?, she laughed and told me, “You’re just too reasonable…you’re going to tell her to calm down at all the wrong moments…and your slow responses, poor kid”.  Yep, she was right–that’s exactly what happened when my daughter hit puberty, and it took a bit of time to figure out that even though it’s my Saturn on her Moon-Venus, I’m not the only “teacher” in the equation. She has a lot to teach me about my own fears and lacks (or perceptions of lack). I have to say that it’s easier to learn from your own child than a sibling or anyone else for that matter, I guess because there is more tolerance there, and less of an inclination to compete. My other daughter, like me, has Saturn in Aries conjunct her sister’s Moon-Venus, and the interplays between the two girls are not quite as polished! My Aries Moon daughter often tells my Aries Saturn daughter things like, “Get over yourself!”, “just do it”, and “what’s the big deal”, while my Aries Saturn daughter asks her sister why she has to be “so rude” and “so insensitive”.

I chose the title “conscious parenting” because that’s what relationship astrology can help us with–we are more conscious of why we’re reacting a certain way to a person when it’s clear they’re triggering certain hotspots in our own chart. Still, I don’t think it’s possible, or even healthy, to practice conscious parenting, or conscious relating in general, all the time. In fact, some of the most revealing lessons in life come from messy periods of trial and error. And, in fact, this is one of the lessons of Aries. Sometimes it’s better to jump in and experience things, fully confident that if we do make mistakes, we’ll be able to handle the consequences and even turn them into an advantage.

When you meet someone and chemistry works its magic, there is more to your astrological compatibility than just your Sun Signs.

Certainly, if you have compatible Sun Signs, you both have a head start. You will have compatible goals and career preferences. We measure Sun Sign compatibility by the elements of the signs. The fire signs are Aries, Leo and Sagittarius, and these active exciting signs are indeed compatible with each other.

The Air signs, Gemini, Libra and Aquarius, will have excellent communication with each other. The Water signs, Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces, will all be emotionally in tune with each other, while the Earth signs, Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn, will share a mutual desire for stability and security.

But this alone is not enough to ensure a relationship. Millions of people share your Sun Sign and many of these would be completely wrong for you. You will never even meet most of them, because there will be no other connection in your horoscopes. This is the crux of the matter – if you meet someone, the signs are already there in both your horoscopes.

You have strong ties in your natal charts and when these ties are accentuated by a transiting planet or three, the meeting takes place. How it will turn out – whether this is The One you have been waiting for – all depends on those interconnecting aspects between your natal charts.

The strongest factor in a relationship between couples is a link between the Sun and the Moon. This is usually a strong indicator of marriage and setting up home together. The Moon is the emotion factor in any chart, the place where we build memories and a home of our own. The Sun is our primary goal in life. When we meet someone and fall in love, all emotions are engaged and our primary goal becomes this other person.

The traditional manifestation of this link between charts is the Moon in a woman’s chart and the Sun in a man’s chart. The two will be in strong aspect, signifying probable marriage, and how that will work out for them depends on the aspects between the two and the signs they are in.

For example, the Moon in Cancer in the woman’s Chart and the Sun in Pisces in the man’s chart would be as good as it gets. Marriage would be assured. The aspect is a favorable trine, and the signs are compatible. The warm, nurturing character of the Cancerian Moon would find fulfillment looking after the artistic, dream seeking Pisces Sun.

If the charts linked a Leo Moon with a Sagittarius Sun, the free wheeling Sagittarian would find warmth and comfort with the Leo, and the Leo would take pride in the Saggitarian’s accomplishments. A Taurean Moon and a Capricorn Sun would build a wonderful, materially secure life together – while the Libran Moon and the Gemini Sun would be the most sociable couple in their neighborhood.

This is how planetary attractions play out. The astrologer looks at the planets, which represents the focus of the relationship; the signs, which show the way it works; the aspects, which show if it is going to be easy or challenging; and finally the houses, to see where the couple share values.

For example, the Cancerian Moon in the Fifth house will want children – the Piscean Sun in the Twelfth may be more interested in making a network of friends. The Fifth House Cancerian Moon would want to be a loving parent, even a smothering one, while the Eleventh House Pisces Sun would want to be a friend to the children.

If there is a challenging aspect between the Sun and the Moon between your charts, then there will be tension in regards to the emotional make up of the Moon, and the goals of the Sun. For example, if our Cancerian Moon fell in love with a Libran Sun, he or she would quite literally be all at sea. The Libran Sun is sociable and outgoing; the Cancerian Moon is focused on home and domestic matters. The Libran is Air, the Cancerian is water. It could get stormy!

If the Cancerian Moon picks an Aries, there could be even more trouble. This is fire and water, and the emotional Moon will be trying to calm the fires of the Arian Sun – with little success, since this is what drives an Arian Sun. If the positions were reversed, and the Moon was in Aries, the Cancerian Sun could find those powerful fiery emotions too hot to handle. After all, the Cancerian Sun just wants a quiet life.

This is not to say these relationships can’t work – many do, quite successfully. But both Sun and Moon have to compromise, and employ a lot more give and take. Sometimes a stressful connection can be turned to advantage. For example, a Cancerian Moon opposing a Capricorn Sun can provide a loving home for the Capricorn Sun as the perfect antidote to those ambitious career goals.

While tradition dictates these aspects between the Sun and Moon relate to heterosexual partnership, with the Moon representing the woman and the Sun as the man, in real life, of course, relationships are as varied as the people in them. But the interpretation of the Moon and Sun Signs will be the same, whether it is a man and a woman, or two men or two women. The emotional tenor of the relationship will be brought by the Moon, and the goals of the couple will be expressed most forcefully by the Sun.

If the Sun and Moon promise marriage, Venus and Mars promise – at the very least – an unforgettable love affair. Again, it does not really matter who has the Venus and who has the mars – if they are in aspect to each across the charts, they will provide an interpretation of the relationship – in particular, what attracts the two to each other.

Harmonious aspects between Venus and Mars make attraction easy – this is the `some enchanted evening’ attraction, when two people spot each other across a crowded room and know immediately that they were meant for each other. But will it be exciting, emotional, a gabfest or comfy as an old shoe? That depends on the elements. A Fire attraction will be like a fireworks display, a Water attraction will be deep and meaningful, an Air attraction will be the meeting of minds, while an Earth attraction will probably see you both shopping for furniture next day.

As with the Sun and Moon, the astrologer is more interested in the sign, house and aspects of the connection between Venus and Mars rather than the genders. The Moon will always be the Yin factor, the Sun the yang factor – so with Venus and Mars. Venus shows attitudes to love and romance, while Mars supplies the energy and passion. These two can be switched – a Venus in Scorpio is far more likely to provide the passion in a relationship than a Mars in Cancer – the two will be emotionally compatible, but this Mars will be protective and nurturing.

Venus in Gemini can be a real flirt, which may disconcert diplomatic Mars in Libra but will amuse eccentric Mars in Aquarius. The signs, however, are all Air and all compatible – where these combinations will really shine is in being honest and open with each and being able to talk about anything at all.

Challenging aspects offer a real challenge between Venus and Mars, but great passion and excitement as well. Imagine Venus in Aries and Mars in Libra – these two will argue all the time, and headstrong enus won’t listen to peacemaker Mars, but when they put the arguments aside, sparks of quite a different kind will fly.

When two people meet, it is no astrological accident. Usually two other points in the chart, called the Nodes of the Moon, are activated. The North Node of the Moon and the South Node of the Moon are exactly opposite, and are powerful when one relationship ends and another – prior to, or right on the end of the first relationship – begins. The North Node ushers new people and experiences into our lives, while the South Node shows what is passing away.

We will attract what the North Node shows, and gradually move away from what the South Node shows, especially when these points are activated by an important planetary transit.

The Seventh House, while it is important in describing what the native can expect of marriage, and in some cases, whether marriage will even take place, may also be activated when we meet a life partner. Yes, that old “when the moon is in the seventh house” song does actually have some validity, at least in personal relationships.

The outer planets are often checked as well between charts to give some idea of the outcome of an attraction. Uranus figures strongly in break ups and divorces, so a strong Uranian connection between charts may indicate a short lived relationship. Neptune brings romance to the mix, but if negatively charged, he can also indicate lies and deception. Pluto can indicate an obsessive or uncomfortable element. Be careful with Plutonian relationships.

As you can see from this small sample, there is a great deal more to attraction and relationships as a whole than merely compatible sun signs. That’s why, if you are serious about someone, it is wise to get your natal charts made up and have a professional astrologer compare them. The insights could make all the different between a relationship based on understanding and one based on blind passion.

Gail Kavanagh 2008