Negative Patterns in Relationships
June 26, 2009 by cafeastro
Filed under Astrology of Relationships
I found this picture and fell in love with it. I realize that it can simply symbolize “bad luck”. However, I see it as symbolic of choosing the safe or familiar route in life despite the fact that it just isn’t working for us, it’s hurting us, it’s keeping us down and unfulfilled. Stepping outside of ourselves and examining what we’re doing can be eye-opening.
We can repeat life patterns over and over again, simply because they feel safe to us. This can be the case in all areas of life. In relationships, when patterns can be found, and they’re exasperating, then it’s time for work. Because…what feels safe to us can also be depressing. We limit our options, we limit our opportunities to grow and to break negative patterns. It’s hard to step out of these patterns. What are we protecting ourselves from? Experience?
While Pluto is there to push us to grow and rebirth, it can also keep us obsessed with one way of doing things, attached to something or someone destructive or even toxic, until change is forced upon us. Obsession with gaining control–having the upper hand in relationships–keeps us from truly learning from others. Likewise, living with a perpetual fear that the carpet will be pulled from beneath us, that what we don’t know will hurt us, can keep us addicted to jealous or possessive behaviors that undermine our happiness and obviously do damage to our relationships.
Neptune can also keep us addicted to patterns of behavior, people, and things that keep us feeling insecure and ineffective. In relationships, we can be addicted to the pursuit of mirages. We can live our life in extremes of highs and lows. We see a person, or relationship, as absolutely fantastic or completely horrific, and rarely in between. We might hang on to someone in hopes that they might fulfill our dreams of an ideal mate, sometimes assigning him/her fabulous traits, feeling lifted so unreasonably high that when we are forced to face the reality of the situation, the downwards fall is steep.
Uranus can certainly break us out of patterns, but is also very stubborn, and can keep us from even trying out more traditional ways of being and of relating. Rebelling keeps us out of touch with what we really want, and keeps our partners guessing, and perhaps unnerved. Anyone who has experienced a hard Uranus transit to a personal planet knows that we can fight tooth and nail for “freedom”, only to achieve it and lose something (or someone) valuable in the process.
Saturn, on the other hand, can keep us inflexible and rigid, stuck on specific patterns of behavior that we feel are the most responsible or respectable, or it can keep us “sheltered” from new behaviors due to fear of the unknown and untried. Breaking free of our “comfort zone”, even if that zone is, in fact, uncomfortable, can be a real challenge.
Chiron can also be a fixated energy, locking us into “repetition mode”. Behaviors that are self-defeating can be repeated endlessly until we learn to break out of that pattern. There can be an addiction to learning through our experiences, yet not really applying what we learn to our own lives.
Sometimes it takes a hard transit that pushes us out of our uncomfortable comfort zones to break free of these self-defeating patterns. Sometimes it takes a few.
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This was a great post!!! Im a cancer and i have read that pluto has been affecting my 8th house for some time this year. I have definitely felt the effects of the transformations I have been going through especially related to a very long term negative relationship.