How I Spent My (Lunar Eclipse) Vacation

I just came back from a small vacation with my kids. We rented a cottage for a week at the Sand Banks in Ontario, where there’s a gorgeous beach. During that time, we made a stop at my father’s cottage and visited with my Dad and his partner. My brother, his wife, and his 4 kids timed their visit to my Dad’s so that we could all spend some time together.

I wasn’t thinking too much about how the Lunar Eclipse in Capricorn would affect me personally, which occurred in my tenth house, square my Mercury and Saturn. The most I concerned myself with was how I was going to manage working and vacationing at the same time. What in fact happened was that I walked into my Dad’s home, and within a few hours, I was emotionally raw, pouring out some of my most private and personal feelings revolving around my father. And, my father and I actually hugged and resolved to “start over”, after years of emotional distance.

My brother, who is a Leo with a Virgo Moon and who has a pretty packed eighth house, was our unofficial mediator. (He’s amazing at mediating!). My father and I enjoyed a brief but very lovely relationship until I was 8 when my parents separated. His Sun and Moon are my reverse–I have Sun in Virgo opposite Moon in Pisces, and my dad has Sun in Pisces opposite Moon in Virgo. Our Ascendants are also in opposite signs. My mother moved me and my siblings 300 miles away when my parents separated, and we visited my father on holidays and in the summer for years, until my father and I had a falling out when I was 15. We “sort of” reconciled when I was 18, but never truly did in spirit.

It was truly a spectacular and unexpected outpouring of emotion, and I am very glad it happened. As is typical of Full Moon outpourings, it seemed to come out of nowhere, yet, in retrospect, was something that was a long time coming. I expressed deeply personal things that I never expected to actually put into words, at least not verbally. From birth until about 20, I was pretty much obsessed with my father and how he might have felt about me. I fantasized that he was “the only one who understood me” after my parents separated, yet there was nothing that proved that was the case. Then, at 15, I imagined him to be an awful person who was incapable of love; yet, there was nothing that truly proved that either, except perhaps his emotional distance. This kind of ongoing fantasy seems to me like it would be a natal hard Sun-Neptune thing, which both my siblings have, but I don’t. One of the things that I said to my Dad in the heat of the moment, however, points in the direction of my Venus-Neptune square, as I told him that losing his affection/interest was the biggest “heartbreak” of my life. Neptune is currently transiting in opposition to my natal Venus as well. As a child, I was in love with him–he was my hero. I had nightmares about killer bees and he let me sleep with him because of them, and when the nightmares ended, I pretended they were ongoing so that I could continue to do so. I took everything he told me to heart. When my parents separated, my father moved in with a new partner right away (in fact, a little before they separated), and everything changed.

The interplay between Pisces Moon (me) and Virgo Moon (my Dad)  is sometimes rather funny to me. My father kept trying to steer the conversation towards facts, while I was desperately attempting to get him to see that it’s the personal reality of the experience that is most important.

Another astrological clue to my identifying with my father is Saturn rising, with Saturn ruling my tenth house. I also spent many years attempting to disassociate myself from him, which is pretty much the same thing in my mind. Whether I attempted to identify or disassociate myself with him, I was assigning him tremendous power in my life.

This experience sent me to my Solar Fire software, checking past Lunar Eclipses at approximately the same degree (Solar Fire is great for that). My blow-up with my father when I was almost 15 occurred in July 1982, when a Lunar Eclipse occurred in Capricorn. At that time, I had had enough, and I attempted to end my relationship with him. Another Lunar Eclipse at 15 Capricorn occurred in July, 2001, a few days after I initiated a separation with my husband. Interesting! I hadn’t noticed this pattern before. The upcoming Solar Eclipse in the last degree of Cancer should be powerful–intriguing how last month’s New Moon was in the first degree of Cancer, the Full Moon was halfway through Capricorn, and the upcoming New Moon occurs in the final degree of Cancer.

While I enjoyed my little vacation, it’s nice to be back home. The internet connection was slow and spotty at the cottage where I was staying, and I had forgotten to bring my favorite (flat) pillow!

Popularity: 5%