Do Opposites Really Attract?

Do Opposites Really Attract?

We’ve all heard it before – opposites attract. The adage is reiterated in movies, by our parents, and most notably from the mouths of friends who refuse to leave an unsuitable partner – “I admit we’re always at odds, but opposites attract!” Well, if opposites really do attract, then why do so many relationships based on this theory crumble due to “irreconcilable differences?”

When the adage is taken too literally it seems to have the reverse effect. Potential life-partners who fail to share similar lifestyles, values and goals rarely enter the realm of eternal bliss because they are continuously butting heads with one another over issues that define the relationship.

A person’s contrasting lifestyle may be what intrigued their short-term partners in the beginning, but conflicting objectives and aspirations will inevitably cause problems in any relationship – especially after those initial sparks have burned out and the realities of life sets in.

So when do opposites attract – and actually stay together? Partners with dissimilar values, goals and moral standards may resent each other as the relationship progresses, but ironically, couples with contrasting personalities go together like birds of a feather!

You Say Potato – I say Potato?

In successful committed relationships, a high-strung, risk-taker is often balanced out by a down-to-earth, practical person. The animated, adventurous personality brings spontaneity and flair to the mix, while the practical personality assesses each situation with diligence, and keeps the relationship on an even keel. Relationships defined by this formula are often successful because where one person is deficient, the other steps in to complete the puzzle. Many couples with opposing behavioral traits tend to balance each other out, creating a team with collective skills in which they can both use for their own benefit.

On the other hand when similar personalities spend a lot of time together, often what results is either a relentless power-struggle, or a relationship where, well, nothing much happens at all (and both individuals either look elsewhere for companionship – or die from complete boredom).

So when assessing whether you should stay or go, or in the early stages of a new relationship, ask yourself this: Do we share the same values and goals in life?

If the answer is yes, then you’re on the right track. And if your personalities differ, don’t fret – as social psychologist Susan K. Perry concluded: in successful relationships, “you need a certain amount of strangeness” to keep things exciting.

By Naomi Kent

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